Maybe not a cure, but a care

Do you think my mom could just wear this button and come to work with me and that would make everything better?

(For a really good, concise definition of Asperger's Syndrome see Frank Klein's blog at http://home.att.net/~ascaris1/what_is.html)

There's been a great deal of debate over the issue of "curing autism." The arguments of advocacy groups like GRASP (Global and Regional Asperger's Partnership) have been that people with autism don't need to change, but to be accepted. Certainly, I can see the importance of establishing the understanding that being autistic is not a death sentence, that the autistic perspective is valuable and that parent's shouldn't -- as some parent's have -- endanger (and in at least one case, cause the death of) a child by trying so hard to "cure" autism. No one should try to change the person with autism. But, I for one, need help managing just to be me, as I am.

As a person with Asperger's Syndrome (an Autism spectrum disorder), I have wished that I could magically transform into someone who "clicked," "got it" and could express "it" clearly -- and sometimes I wish that people would just become interested in a different "it". What I need, and I suspect a great many adults with A.S. crave, is additional care. I need assistance with things which, for better or worse, I have to do -- a great many "its" that I can't conquer.

I panic at the least bit of change and I have no idea how to stop panicking. Panicking actually makes the most sense to me as, for me, the definition of A.S. is living in the "panic zone" -- being continually aware of all the variables in almost every situation. If there is a way to guide me through this, to help me know when to STOP panicking, I'd appreciate it. Basically, I go through my day in a panic, stopping along the way to live.

I don't know when not to speak my mind. I feel obliged to be honest. I feel guilty when I am dishonest. But, I am often honest at the worst times. I feel obliged to be honest despite the consequences. This is a grand mistake. I may be able to guide myself through this one myself, so long as I practice thinking about consequences. I'll still feel awful, but maybe I can weigh the advantages of getting into trouble vs. not getting into trouble.

I don't trust myself and I rarely trust others. When I am not panicked, I am usually just afraid. Unless I am eating, writing or sleeping.

I don't know if there is anyone or any system that can provide me with the care I would need to integrate confidently. But, along with acceptance, I require a great deal of tolerance, at least, if not outright assistance.

I've missed so many opportunities for advancement because of losing my temper or telling the truth.

I can barely organize my house.

I can hardly find things once I put them away.

I survive by cleverness and the seat of my pants. I could do much better with care.

(You can get this button and other clever Autism/Asperger's gear at http://www.cafepress.com/buy/autism/aspergers)