This is a picture I took of Karen outside my apartment building. It's one of the best pictures I have of her. Some people say she looks sad despite the smile and that makes me feel awful. Truth is, we were up really late the night before and I had been running way behind schedule. So maybe she was a little weary. I really hope she wasn't sad. I really wish I could have taken all of her sadness away....
...now to the "present"
It's been a quiet week, mostly.
I have spent a fair amount of time asleep, with Larry on my lap or Henry on my hip. I've talked to Karen, the way I always do. I even put half of the photographs of hers that I have on disc. Larry's favorite chairs are two of Karen's and Henry likes to sniff her shirts every once in a while. We commune spiritually very well, the three of us. We're becoming accustomed to our solitude. I made fewer phone calls, sent fewer emails.
Monday I go back to work.
Thursday, we have a meeting with the head of the UFT to talk about saving our school.
Milestones. But the big picture looks grim no matter what. Iran. Darfur. The continued destruction of schools. Can't get rid of Bush till 2008. Will it be Clinton/Obama, Obama/Clinton or Obama/Edwards. Sue me. I want it to be Kucinich or Edwards. Obama was mentored by Joe Lieberman. I cannot shake that from my mind. Hillary's been a war hawk. She's a solid politician, for better and worse. We're going to need a lot of economic intervention to save ourselves and the planet. Can't see Clinton or Obama doing that, but maybe they will. At one point in both of their lives, I am sure they wanted to do so. I do believe they both do care about our planet at their cores, though I don't know how in touch they are with their cores. Don't trust my instincts: I LIKE AL GORE. I mean, I don't think he's boring or anything....
I wonder if, in a year or so, I will look back on this as one of the last halcyon weeks before I became either fully unemployed, placed in a horrible school and am balancing insanity with nursing classes. My cat Fred, my very first pet of my own, and I had a wonderful Christmas and New Years shortly before he died suddenly. I know. Sounds small.
The day Karen died we had a fight. She was mad at me in our last conversation.
And then the storm of absence.
Will my students all be working at Target, Ikea, Wallgreens, Duane Reade? Will they be working at all? Will I be working at Trader Joe's?
Right now, I am very lucky. And that scares me.
I have spent a fair amount of time asleep, with Larry on my lap or Henry on my hip. I've talked to Karen, the way I always do. I even put half of the photographs of hers that I have on disc. Larry's favorite chairs are two of Karen's and Henry likes to sniff her shirts every once in a while. We commune spiritually very well, the three of us. We're becoming accustomed to our solitude. I made fewer phone calls, sent fewer emails.
Monday I go back to work.
Thursday, we have a meeting with the head of the UFT to talk about saving our school.
Milestones. But the big picture looks grim no matter what. Iran. Darfur. The continued destruction of schools. Can't get rid of Bush till 2008. Will it be Clinton/Obama, Obama/Clinton or Obama/Edwards. Sue me. I want it to be Kucinich or Edwards. Obama was mentored by Joe Lieberman. I cannot shake that from my mind. Hillary's been a war hawk. She's a solid politician, for better and worse. We're going to need a lot of economic intervention to save ourselves and the planet. Can't see Clinton or Obama doing that, but maybe they will. At one point in both of their lives, I am sure they wanted to do so. I do believe they both do care about our planet at their cores, though I don't know how in touch they are with their cores. Don't trust my instincts: I LIKE AL GORE. I mean, I don't think he's boring or anything....
I wonder if, in a year or so, I will look back on this as one of the last halcyon weeks before I became either fully unemployed, placed in a horrible school and am balancing insanity with nursing classes. My cat Fred, my very first pet of my own, and I had a wonderful Christmas and New Years shortly before he died suddenly. I know. Sounds small.
The day Karen died we had a fight. She was mad at me in our last conversation.
And then the storm of absence.
Will my students all be working at Target, Ikea, Wallgreens, Duane Reade? Will they be working at all? Will I be working at Trader Joe's?
Right now, I am very lucky. And that scares me.
1 comment:
I think this is a beautiful picture of Karen. I think she looks tired and happy and peaceful - in a good content way.
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