Why can't Americans teach their children?

Over and over in my head, I hear it: "Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?" That famous song from "My Fair Lady." As you know, in that musical, a professor takes on the challenge of teaching a poor cockney girl how to speak properly. In the abstract, it seems awfully condescending. In New York, we can't even do that.

Here are some interesting facts about trying to get your kid an education in NY:

1) You will wait online for a day or more outside the elementary school of your choice, should you be so lucky as to know of one you want your kid to go to and should it be within your borough. I mean, you could have your five year old commute from Brooklyn to Manhattan, but it's a bit impractical.
2) Your child will have many choices for high schools. If he or she is good at taking tests, he or she may get into a competitive high school. If not, well, he or she may be able to attend one of the "new small schools" co-run by private organizations with staffs whose average age will probably be 22.
3) Should your child attend one of the last remaining "local" high schools, it's likely the Dept. of Ed will try to close the school so that it can break it apart into little schools which cost less money to run because they will be co-run by a private organization who will hire all new NEW teachers. 21 and 22 year olds.
4) I'm a pretty decent teacher. At 22, I was full of hot air and I cried in front of my students. I survived because I had mentors, experienced principals and nice students.
5) Your kids new teachers WILL NOT have mentors. The average age of these principals of these new small schools is about 25. He/she doesn't necessarily have to have taught for very long.
6) Some of the kids who will be going to school with your kids will already be very frustrated. So, they won't be so nice.

A lot of this is not new. This was pretty much what life was like when I was growing up. But, you see:
1) My mother begged my way into a Hebrew School we couldn't afford and I got to stay because I AM A VERY GOOD TEST TAKER.
2) I got into Stuyvesant High School -- one of the best public high schools in the country because I AM A VERY GOOD TEST TAKER.
3) I got into Barnard College because I AM A VERY GOOD TEST TAKER, I write well and I WENT TO A FANTASTIC HIGH SCHOOL. And when my mother went crazy, my teachers took care of me. I hear, sadly, that Stuyvesant is no longer a caring place and that's awful. So many of the kids who went to school with me were brilliant, but very much in need of help -- like me.
I think it's tragic that the school has changed. It was always a pressure cooker, but it was such a warm and good place for me back in 85.
4) I am a VERY GOOD TEST TAKER because I COME FROM A FAMILY OF EDUCATED PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD TEST TAKERS. I practiced for tests with MY MOTHER'S practice texts. Oh yeah, and my mother speaks fluent French, my grandmother spoke Russian, Polish and knew Latin. And her English was exemplary.
5) Oh, and I'm white, lower-middle class, and even my crazy mother knows better than to screw with my education. I am in the minority in NYC. My students do not have these advantages.

What would it take? What if we just decided to take EACH KID and TEACH HIM/HER.