Why didn't I say anything?

At graduation, I couldn't hear the speakers. Initially, I sort-of shouted, "Can't hear you!" People looked at me. I thought it was just me. Turned out, no one could hear a thing.

I assumed that people didn't say anything because, like me, they were afraid. In a meeting, yesterday, a colleague corrected me. He said that he didn't feel it was his place. If the administration was comfortable with the situation, then it was fine with him.

So, I'll step away from assuming anything about anyone else. But, why was I so afraid?

What did I have to lose? I could have gotten a letter in my file for insubordination. You can get a "U" rating for such behavior. I've already been absent too much.

Like I said, I wasn't sure that I wasn't the only one who couldn't hear. Why didn't I ask other people?

I've alienated myself from the faculty by taking unpopular positions and because (and I didn't realize this until this year) most of the faculty believes I am superfluous. I team taught with a colleague and we ran a college center. Most of the faculty believed that 1) this was just a job for one person and 2) college is a lesser priority for students who have trouble graduating high school. I learned from this not to judge others so quickly -- ours was a job for five people, not one. Each student needed individual attention. No form quite fit. Scheduling appointments was not as efficient as just WORKING WITH THE KID IN THE MOMENT AND DOING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. It was an ambitious, but worthwhile office. Our new counselor has sent 4 people to the same overpriced lecherous institution. In NY and throughout the country, colleges for poor students have sprung like poisonous mushrooms. Everyone knows what they are and few employers respect their degrees. Ironically, the Dept of Education is one of the few employers which will hire people from such schools. Not that anyone has the time to listen to me defend my existence. To be fair, they work in positions which require no such defense. This year, I taught large English classes and people seem to have been surprised by what I could handle and that I mattered at all.

I can't keep my mouth shut, either. When I think something is wrong, I generally say it.

But, enough. There's no point.

And that's why I didn't say anything.

There's no point.