I had a simple afternoon, skipped work, went to the doctor who told me I was depressed (news!) and need to see some sort of bone specialist so I can get stronger pain meds as my arthritis is bigger than he can handle. Afterwards, as the stores were packed and EVERYONE (not just poor me) was moving like a snail, I was able to go food shopping which was always great fun with you. You were right that it was as fun as anything we did. I was searching for organic and pet friendly things and on the way, I passed a jar of organic "triple cocoa" and thought of the time we went around from Starbucks to Starbucks sampling their new hot chocolate drink.
Like this post, I am intending many things for tomorrow, but I may not get out of bed which will not be your fault. If I do get out of bed, it will be for you.
You used to pat my head, even when my hair was a mess. Such a simple thing, but I miss it so.
I failed you. When you wanted a friend, I wanted more, when you wanted more, I was angry with you. But, we never stopped talking to each other no matter what. Literally, from the moment we woke up until we went to sleep, except for the time you went to Cuba, which may have been your happiest time of all, and it was without me. I guess I've had moments in rehearsals where someone has understood me perfectly and you have not been there. But, I wish you were and being with you was almost always like those moments in rehearsal. Except when I was too stubborn just to take you in. You were only that stubborn occasionally and usually it was because I hadn't taken any care of myself at all. I wish I could have, always.
So many wishes now...
Happy Birthday. I hope it's an adventure, wherever you are.
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