The Flies

I've been out from work for a week with a case of severe depression. True, I have also had tremendous arthritic pain, a flu and last week just happened to be the birthday of my dead soulmate and coincidentally the re-birthday of my first godson cat who has also crossed the rainbow bridge. And we had a flood in my kitchen caused by a clog sent down the pipeline by the "plumber" the landlord hired to fix my upstair neighbors sink. Let's just say the planets were in a particularly bad orbit.

And then the flies came.

People laugh at me. "Flies in winter?" "It's because your house is such a mess."

Then the exterminator came

"This apartment is basically uninhabitable." By that he meant that my apartment, because of floods like the one I just had and the many, many cracks in my ceiling, the walls have a terminal case of moisture. Hence the flies. It has nothing to do with my bad habits. But, there was nothing he could do about it, and in fact, in good conscience, he wouldn't.

I cleaned the house anyway, hopefully.

I bought every single non-toxic to pets and children spray. I even bought a toxic spray.

They just fly higher.

We need a new place to live. This is clear.

Now let me introduce you to NY Real Estate.

My apartment is 858 per month and rent stabilized. It is in a boring, but safe part of Brooklyn, just far enough away from Manhattan to never become chic.

If we move laterally--literally down about seven avenue blocks, our rent would be about 900. But the rent won't be stabilized and, odds are, it will be in a private house. Read: we have no rights. Landlord hates me, landlord gets rid of me. Neighborhood gets trendy (it won't), but if it did, he could bump my rent up as high as he likes as it won't be rent stabilized.

The other way--above seven avenue blocks UP, rent is about 1100 -1500. Apartments will be nicer, cleaner. The area is sort-of hopping. Just a wee-bit homophobic, anti-semitic and Republican.

If we just decide to go up avenues and streets, we hit a trendy neighborhood which is very gay. For about 1500 a month, I can get a studio which might look at a tree. It's called Park Slope, but that still doesn't guarantee a tree.

Manhattan starts at about 15oo for a whole in the wall in a horrible building.

Upper Manhattan is 1100 for a one bedroom. Apartments are old, dignified and, like mine, rotting.

The Bronx and Queens are pretty much the same as the neighborhood I live in now.

My only hope is to go for the studio w/tree in Park Slope.

If flies didn't bring diseases, I'd just live with it. They're slow, small and they like to eat, so I have nothing against them, but their germs.

I'm sure that's how a lot of people feel about me.