I don't remember a time in my life when I was not in love with some very large man. Somehow, no matter where I was, I found him. When I was about five, it was Jack Klugman on THE ODD COUPLE. When I was seven, Klugman was rivaled by Dave Madden as Reuben Kincaid on THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY. When I was 11, it was the baritone Sherrill Milnes. Although I caught him at the end of his career, there was still enough color and sensitivity in his voice mixed with the football player's frame to get my undivided attention.
The objects of my affection weren't always far away. I'll spare those close to me who have been subject to my affection the embarassment of being named, but they are well aware of who they are.
It's an odd love. At once, I want to be the large man and to be all over him. People have seen me mimic all kinds of tics -- Sherrill Milnes has a lot of them. The romantic poses, the effusive face and that insuperable chest that comes in the room minutes before he does. He also still has a flat Midwestern "A" and he's been married several times. Sometimes I feign the accent.
I grew up without a father, so the obvious rationale for why this happened to me was "looking-for-daddy-itis." Plus, my mother was eternally looking for a stand-in for the man who was supposed to tell her how wonderful she looked and to hold the doors for her. So, there I was, the kid who wanted to be and be taken by Sherrill Milnes escorting the woman who wanted to be every character played by Gwen Verdon. We were a funny pair, especially because I am, to this day, nearly a half foot shorter than she is, and a good foot wider both because of weight and a relatively large frame.
What I wanted, and still want, was much more than a father. I wanted the security that these men had in their largeness. I wanted the big hands, the shoulders -- the wide face.
And I have no idea what I would do without these shadows to follow, to this day.
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