Brooklyn Comprehensive Granted One More Year

We won't close until 2008.

No place to go

Right now, the only thing that matters is where our students will go next year.

As for me, it's all a matter of....possibility.

It's hopeless.

Lost in the snow

I offered to help my students with their homework. They haven't taken me up on it.

I don't know which way to go at all.

My little room, my little patch of sunlight

I sit in what used to be my classroom surrounded by bottles of diet soda, muffins, brownies and quiet.

I think that my inherent need to try to find justice needs to just go away.

Like I said earlier, these could be the halcyon days.

Commitment

On the way home tonight, the doors to the subway train opened and the train car was inundated with screams from an elderly blind man who was standing on the platform. Apparently, he had been screaming for two hours for someone to help him onto the train. I held the door open and a kind gentleman helped him into the car and then out again when he reached his stop. The man had a cane and was riddled with arthritis. I cannot imagine how his body and spirit felt during those hours when he screamed and no one responded.

The incident made me think about commitment: the bonds we make with each other and ourselves. Like trusting, making a commitment seems almost impossible to me. I remember how Karen yelled at me when I almost backed out of a date. I had single-handedly decided that we couldn't meet, without giving her the chance to find a compromise. "The thing is," I said, "I love my cats and I also love you." I was worried that Henry wasn't feeling well. She said, "Do you really think he is going to die if you leave?" "No," I responded. I hadn't thought it through at all. I was just hanging in my anxiety, like I always do. Paralyzed by my own insecurity.

That's probably what was happening to the folks in the train cars who did not respond to that man tonight. They thought, "But, what if the train leaves without me because I tried to help this guy?" They didn't think that, well, you can just block the doors from closing. They just got locked into the idea of risk.

In my entire life, I have maybe taken five risks including the one with Karen that night.

Commitment involves so much risk. But, without it, we are just screaming into the air.

A snapshot of our schools

From the Flatbush Courier Life 2/24/2007


02/24/2007
Principals unable to quell violence - Public advocate blames DOE for not doing more to help
By Michèle De Meglio

The city’s Department of Education (DOE) is not doing enough to ensure that teachers, principals and students are safe in local school buildings, according to the public advocate.
In a new report, Betsy Gotbaum charged that principals and teachers lack the resources necessary to deal with conflicts between students.
To support her claims, she cited the report’s findings that 25 percent of the 158 administrators surveyed insist they are not properly equipped to defuse brawls between students or prevent them from happening. “The spike in crime and other incidents in our schools coupled with what I’ve been hearing from principals and other administrators – that they lack the resources to effectively deal with behavior problems in their schools – is a cause of great concern,” Gotbaum said. Crime has been a problem in several local schools as of late. According to local police precincts, recent crimes at borough schools have included a student from the Secondary School of Law at the John Jay Campus in Park Slope claiming last January that she was whipped with a belt after being confronted by a group of students in the hallway, and a student at Madison High School in Midwood being arrested last November for allegedly beating and robbing a classmate of $2. Even teachers have been victimized in Brooklyn school buildings. Last June, a teacher at Brooklyn Technical High School, 29 Fort Greene Place, said that her backpack was stolen after she forgot it in the school’s cafeteria when she left to teach a class. “We can’t expect teachers to teach or students to learn in an environment in which they fear for their safety,” Gotbaum said. To create an appropriate learning environment, she said the DOE must provide conflict resolution training to all teachers because, according to her report, 82 percent of administrators surveyed said just a handful of teachers, or none at all, received such training. “They spend so much time on professional development – they should spend some of that time on conflict resolution,” said Richard Mangone, a social studies teacher at Lafayette High School, which has had its share of criminal incidents, and the school’s United Federation of Teachers (UFT) chapter leader. “We get tons of professional development and a lot of it is not high quality,” he continued. “They’ll go over statistics – region scores, reading scores…but we should have far more training on the practical aspect of how to teach classes.” Some Brooklyn parents questioned whether the responsibility of defusing violence in schools should even lie with teachers and administrators. “I’m concerned that you’re asking teachers to do way too much,” said Carlo Scissura, president of District 20’s Community Education Council (CEC). “The better solution would be to maybe have some safety officers go into the classroom to talk to the students every now and then.” But then there’s the problem of the city’s limited number of school safety agents supervising activities in local schools. “There’s a shortage of safety agents,” said James Dandridge, president of District 18’s CEC. That’s because “safety agents are underpaid and once they get the experience they leave for better paying jobs. When they leave, there’s nobody to replace them.” Some Brooklyn parents suggest that the DOE implement intervention services to prevent disagreements between students from escalating into all-out brawls that put school administrators and staffers in danger. They’ve called for the creation of school-based health centers in more local schools, as the facilities provide medical and psychological care to youths. “These children are dealing with adult issues,” says Carmen Colon, president of the Association of New York City Education Councils and the former president of District 13’s CEC. “How about putting in a school-based health center? How about having some additional guidance counselors? Maybe an employment guidance counselor for parents. You have to service the whole child.” She also suggests offering incentives for students to stay out of trouble, thereby limiting, or hopefully eliminating, fights in school. “Give stipends or awards for community service for these kids so they want to get off the streets on weekends,” Colon says. The DOE did not respond for comment by the time this paper went to press. —Thomas Tracy contributed to this story.
©Courier-Life Publications 2007

Solitude before the storm

This is a picture I took of Karen outside my apartment building. It's one of the best pictures I have of her. Some people say she looks sad despite the smile and that makes me feel awful. Truth is, we were up really late the night before and I had been running way behind schedule. So maybe she was a little weary. I really hope she wasn't sad. I really wish I could have taken all of her sadness away....

...now to the "present"

It's been a quiet week, mostly.

I have spent a fair amount of time asleep, with Larry on my lap or Henry on my hip. I've talked to Karen, the way I always do. I even put half of the photographs of hers that I have on disc. Larry's favorite chairs are two of Karen's and Henry likes to sniff her shirts every once in a while. We commune spiritually very well, the three of us. We're becoming accustomed to our solitude. I made fewer phone calls, sent fewer emails.

Monday I go back to work.

Thursday, we have a meeting with the head of the UFT to talk about saving our school.

Milestones. But the big picture looks grim no matter what. Iran. Darfur. The continued destruction of schools. Can't get rid of Bush till 2008. Will it be Clinton/Obama, Obama/Clinton or Obama/Edwards. Sue me. I want it to be Kucinich or Edwards. Obama was mentored by Joe Lieberman. I cannot shake that from my mind. Hillary's been a war hawk. She's a solid politician, for better and worse. We're going to need a lot of economic intervention to save ourselves and the planet. Can't see Clinton or Obama doing that, but maybe they will. At one point in both of their lives, I am sure they wanted to do so. I do believe they both do care about our planet at their cores, though I don't know how in touch they are with their cores. Don't trust my instincts: I LIKE AL GORE. I mean, I don't think he's boring or anything....

I wonder if, in a year or so, I will look back on this as one of the last halcyon weeks before I became either fully unemployed, placed in a horrible school and am balancing insanity with nursing classes. My cat Fred, my very first pet of my own, and I had a wonderful Christmas and New Years shortly before he died suddenly. I know. Sounds small.

The day Karen died we had a fight. She was mad at me in our last conversation.

And then the storm of absence.

Will my students all be working at Target, Ikea, Wallgreens, Duane Reade? Will they be working at all? Will I be working at Trader Joe's?

Right now, I am very lucky. And that scares me.

I fall to pieces

Karen and I had this plan. She was going to take pictures of water and we were going to blow them up and put them on the wall. Just beautiful ocean. The resolution on the scanner I used isn't great, but this was one of the many photos she took on a trip to the Bahamas in the Spring of 2005. I intend to blow up the pictures, etc. The problem is that each time I do something we planned to do, that's one less thing to look forward to doing. I know, I know...

Now onto just the feeling:



My school is closing for no good reason.

My students will be scattered this June and most will fall away. I will want to follow them, stay on top of them. But, I can't. There are too many. I will try to follow one or two.

I just finished Stephen Elliott's "A Life Without Consequences" in which he talks about the fact that, at each group home, people seemed to care--sometimes anyway. No one would ever take him home. In his final analysis, that was what he most needed.

Do I take a kid home? Adopt one? I can't. I can barely do what I do.

Karen died over a year ago. Every day, that becomes harder and more "real". She always wanted to take me in -- send me to a spa, get me healthy. I wouldn't let her. I didn't want to take advantage.

It took five years for my cat Larry to sit in my lap. Six months for Henry to be a furry marshmallow.

Trust is so damned hard. Meanwhile, some kid just wants to go home.

Me, too.

Instead, we all fall in love and we all fall to pieces.

Taken by Karen Hunter

flying over the Bahamas, Spring 2005

Why can't Americans teach their children?

Over and over in my head, I hear it: "Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?" That famous song from "My Fair Lady." As you know, in that musical, a professor takes on the challenge of teaching a poor cockney girl how to speak properly. In the abstract, it seems awfully condescending. In New York, we can't even do that.

Here are some interesting facts about trying to get your kid an education in NY:

1) You will wait online for a day or more outside the elementary school of your choice, should you be so lucky as to know of one you want your kid to go to and should it be within your borough. I mean, you could have your five year old commute from Brooklyn to Manhattan, but it's a bit impractical.
2) Your child will have many choices for high schools. If he or she is good at taking tests, he or she may get into a competitive high school. If not, well, he or she may be able to attend one of the "new small schools" co-run by private organizations with staffs whose average age will probably be 22.
3) Should your child attend one of the last remaining "local" high schools, it's likely the Dept. of Ed will try to close the school so that it can break it apart into little schools which cost less money to run because they will be co-run by a private organization who will hire all new NEW teachers. 21 and 22 year olds.
4) I'm a pretty decent teacher. At 22, I was full of hot air and I cried in front of my students. I survived because I had mentors, experienced principals and nice students.
5) Your kids new teachers WILL NOT have mentors. The average age of these principals of these new small schools is about 25. He/she doesn't necessarily have to have taught for very long.
6) Some of the kids who will be going to school with your kids will already be very frustrated. So, they won't be so nice.

A lot of this is not new. This was pretty much what life was like when I was growing up. But, you see:
1) My mother begged my way into a Hebrew School we couldn't afford and I got to stay because I AM A VERY GOOD TEST TAKER.
2) I got into Stuyvesant High School -- one of the best public high schools in the country because I AM A VERY GOOD TEST TAKER.
3) I got into Barnard College because I AM A VERY GOOD TEST TAKER, I write well and I WENT TO A FANTASTIC HIGH SCHOOL. And when my mother went crazy, my teachers took care of me. I hear, sadly, that Stuyvesant is no longer a caring place and that's awful. So many of the kids who went to school with me were brilliant, but very much in need of help -- like me.
I think it's tragic that the school has changed. It was always a pressure cooker, but it was such a warm and good place for me back in 85.
4) I am a VERY GOOD TEST TAKER because I COME FROM A FAMILY OF EDUCATED PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD TEST TAKERS. I practiced for tests with MY MOTHER'S practice texts. Oh yeah, and my mother speaks fluent French, my grandmother spoke Russian, Polish and knew Latin. And her English was exemplary.
5) Oh, and I'm white, lower-middle class, and even my crazy mother knows better than to screw with my education. I am in the minority in NYC. My students do not have these advantages.

What would it take? What if we just decided to take EACH KID and TEACH HIM/HER.

Henry and Larry on life and love

Henry upside down taking in a good neck and belly rub. Larry leaning on my chest. Then, Larry astonished by the sounds of birds outside.

Not about school

except to say I figured out the Earth Science stuff. Not that hard if you spend about thirty hours on it.


Henry and Larry have begun playing leapfrog on their way to their food dishes. It's about happiness, I think.

A Brief Message to the New Small Schools

Once upon a time, Brooklyn Comprehensive was a "program". Then it became a small high school. It was one of a few flagship programs of its kind.

All but one of the schools which opened with it are now closed. The one which remains open, Manhattan Comprehensive Night High School, does so because it has A LOT OF OUTSIDE FUNDING.

Your life will depend on your financial connections and nothing else.

Trust me. I have the Regents scores to prove it.

How LA Teachers fought corruption in their union

http://ednotesonline.blogspot.com/2007/02/la-lessons-for-teacher-union-dissidents.html

Mike Malloy feels sorry for school teachers

On the February 19 show, Mike Malloy sympathized with a school teacher who had to teach about democracy as ours falls apart. He then generally sympathized with us overall for the way we are underappreciated and for the fact that we have to try to teach ideals we can't often live.

Of course, he's very right.

So why isn't education talked about more often on liberal talk radio. Now, on this very same day Randi Rhodes did note that "No Child Left Behind" requires sending male students' grades to the pentagon, and I first learned about the pentagon's involvement in NCLB from "the most dangerous [Canadian] liberal in America" Jon Elliot. I'm not saying some folks are not doing their parts.

Teachers aren't news, however -- let's just admit it. If we all went on strike....well, people would have to call babysitters, or something. It's not like GARBAGE would be left on the street. Heck, the kids cut school more often than not anyway. Why not just put them in jail and get it over with?

I know. Katrina. 9-11. Cancer. AIDS. Darfur. Iraq. Poverty. Homelessness. Homeless cats and dogs.

Not necessarily in that order.

We live in the only country in the world that doesn't care about education and which could afford to do so. Every day, millions of children go without educations. Oh yeah, some of them go without lunch, too. One of my students had a Heineken for breakfast because that was what was in the refrigerator.

There are 9-11 accountability conferences. There are even conferences for parents of kids with selective mutism -- an anxiety disorder which makes kids afraid to speak in class. Anybody think some of these kids are afraid to speak because...well, because of the state of their schools?

Well, I'm fairly disollusioned. Soon you can count me among the millions -- the disaffected.

Just BCNHS

On March 1, at 1:30, Randi Weingarten is coming to our school to discuss possible ways to save it. What can a person say? What we hope is that she will really help us. What we fear is that she will place us in the context of other priorities and explain why she can't.

We've been told, also, by our FORMER superintendent (man who closed us because we are an old car) that if we PROPOSE another school like ours, but different, he would help us. For example, what if we made our school MORE SELECTIVE -- what if we KICKED STUDENTS OUT if they were absent too much. To me that means closing the school. The point of the school is that we DIDN'T GIVE UP on our students. Once we start, we're closed anyway.

We shall see what Ms. Weingarten has to say.

The True Meaning of Friendship

My fellow teachers left the clock room open so that we could clock out. The average age of my colleagues is about 45. None offered us a ride through the snow. But, at least, they didn't close the clock room door and forget that we needed to clock out. That's a big deal. It means they remembered that we still existed. They didn't just assume that because most of the cards were on the "Out" side, that all of them were. They actually checked. That's great.

One of the security guards, a woman in her very young sixties drove me, my best friend (who is also a teacher) and two security guards to the station. I sat on my side so that three of us could fit in the back. We all laughed as the car did it's best zigging and zagging through on the ice. We joked that our collective weight gave us an edge -- we were pushing down hard on that ice.

For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel afraid to ask for help. I called a million car services and none would come. The wind was blowing so hard I doubted that we could even SEE the bus to the train station or survive the cold waiting for it. I just asked the security guard and she agreed instantly. We piled in like a tight package of mashed potatoes.

That ride saved us from pneumonia. The open door saved us from having no proof that we had worked the full night. Those are important things.

If it's broken, let's keep breaking it

See "Deconstructing the System, School by School" on Norm Scott's Ednotes online

http://ednotesonline.blogspot.com/2007/02/deconstructing-system-school-by-school.html

Real Fear

I looked at a friend and talked about the possibility that we would not be able to support ourselves.

Help with Earth Science

If anyone can recommend
1) A good basic book on Earth Science
2) Good films/videos on Earth Science

Let me know.

ASSIGNED TEACHER REPLACEMENT

The three words I see in my future. More and more. Let me explain why.

First, I don't have the stamina I used to -- I wondered if I really could teach sixth graders every day. That would mean staying washed, focused, amused. Every day.

Second, I have little sense of hope for the future. I'm beginning to think I won't make it to nursing school and should get an online degree in education.

Third, well, my weight. Can't stop eating, can't stop hating myself.

Fourth: Best paying bad job I'll ever have. I'll never get paid more. True, I'll get kicked around, get no respect from students and be viewed as useless in all respects. I can take my bruised ego to the bank.

Fifth: Low energy. Period.

No more Disney

Sometimes I look at the world and the future through the lens of animation. Realities are setting in hard now.

Anyone want to buy me an ice cream? (Second version)

The new job couldn't pay me enough.

The old job continues to wear me out.

Bottom line, though: I looked in the mirror and saw a person who is still not healthy.

Sphere

Will I await news about the possible new job, I've been given a curious assignment in the old one. I have to assist students in the Earth Science class. I've never taken Earth Science, though I attended a Math and Science High School and took a fair amount of psychology and biology in college.

What I will mostly do is assist students with their journals and their written work. I think I will also need to assist students with Reading Comprehension.


And that brings me to the title of today's blog. One of my students had no idea what a "sphere" was. She didn't know what density was either. I think I will make a list of words in each chapter that they MUST know to understand the reading. I will include definitions and illustrations when I can.

Any advice?

Who Killed the CFE Lawsuit?

It was a lawsuit which REALLY could have helped our schools. And it disappeared.

Check it out:

http://nyceducator.com/2007/01/who-killed-cfe-lawsuit.html

The Sixth Grade

I was ten. I had braces. I was heavy. I sweated a lot. I had a MEAN ARM and was the best quarterback in my Hebrew school.

That's what I remember of the sixth grade. My mother didn't even save my picture from that year because I looked so...pre-adolescent. Nothing fit right and I had an enormous crush on my science teacher (who then quit, leaving me heartbroken). Every once in a while I check the phone book for his name.

I was obnoxious, but not violent.

Tomorrow, I am going to do a lesson for a nice group of sixth graders at a very nice middle school. I had the most wonderful interview with a group of individuals I respected. It was terrific. Whatever happens, it was a very pleasant opportunity.

He's a Bully Charlie Brown

I'll post it in a few days, but if you're interested in seeing a Charlie Brown special in which HE WINS, watch, "He's a Bully, Charlie Brown." You can find it in three parts on You Tube.

Swarms of "new"

Today and tomorrow there are fairs for parents to introduce them to the new high schools. If I can, I will attend. I have a certain fear of feeling desperate and also of being enraged by what I might perceive as not new at all. Here's hoping not!

Other teachers

I've recently discovered other teachers' blogs. So that people can more easily find info on BCNHS, I've temporarily placed some non-school related posts in my drafts folder.

Teachers and isolation

Over the years, teachers grow to trust fewer and fewer people. They become more isolated.
Can that be good?

Why didn't I say anything?

At graduation, I couldn't hear the speakers. Initially, I sort-of shouted, "Can't hear you!" People looked at me. I thought it was just me. Turned out, no one could hear a thing.

I assumed that people didn't say anything because, like me, they were afraid. In a meeting, yesterday, a colleague corrected me. He said that he didn't feel it was his place. If the administration was comfortable with the situation, then it was fine with him.

So, I'll step away from assuming anything about anyone else. But, why was I so afraid?

What did I have to lose? I could have gotten a letter in my file for insubordination. You can get a "U" rating for such behavior. I've already been absent too much.

Like I said, I wasn't sure that I wasn't the only one who couldn't hear. Why didn't I ask other people?

I've alienated myself from the faculty by taking unpopular positions and because (and I didn't realize this until this year) most of the faculty believes I am superfluous. I team taught with a colleague and we ran a college center. Most of the faculty believed that 1) this was just a job for one person and 2) college is a lesser priority for students who have trouble graduating high school. I learned from this not to judge others so quickly -- ours was a job for five people, not one. Each student needed individual attention. No form quite fit. Scheduling appointments was not as efficient as just WORKING WITH THE KID IN THE MOMENT AND DOING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. It was an ambitious, but worthwhile office. Our new counselor has sent 4 people to the same overpriced lecherous institution. In NY and throughout the country, colleges for poor students have sprung like poisonous mushrooms. Everyone knows what they are and few employers respect their degrees. Ironically, the Dept of Education is one of the few employers which will hire people from such schools. Not that anyone has the time to listen to me defend my existence. To be fair, they work in positions which require no such defense. This year, I taught large English classes and people seem to have been surprised by what I could handle and that I mattered at all.

I can't keep my mouth shut, either. When I think something is wrong, I generally say it.

But, enough. There's no point.

And that's why I didn't say anything.

There's no point.