Who else I might be?

Please note: As you read this, please consider not just my situation, but generally how my story might reflect the way teachers are treated in the US. Your advice to me personally is welcome, but it is far more important to me that you take in how the teaching profession can destroy its teachers. It should be noted that I've been awarded at both the high school and college level for my work and nevertheless, I am LEAVING the profession.

Every ten years or so, I run into my friend Anthony and we pick up wherever we were when we last left off. One question that Anthony always asks me is, "Why don't you just stick to one thing?" Anthony, who is a radio/theater guru more or less does just that all over the world. On the other hand, I am always doing too many things at once, working a "day job," working on theatrical projects, and sometimes on scholarly research, opera or radio projects as well. Most of the time I am only being paid for the day job.

As I have gotten older, Anthony's question has re-surfaced in my consciousness with almost terrifying irony. Sometimes, when I consider the money I might have, had I put all of my energy into money-making ventures only, I become embittered. Perpetually on the verge of having to borrow money, I no longer have the energy I did ten years ago. Not only is it difficult for me to work at so many things, but the fact that my income is pretty static only adds insult to injury. I can't take cabs home from rehearsal anymore so that I am not so tired when I get home. People know of my work and I can generally work on theatrical projects, at least, when I want to -- but the relevance of my art to my own life as well as to the decaying society around me has become a point of contention within my soul. Plus, opportunities for people to commune at intense theatrical events -- like the recent production of Blair Fell's Burning Habits (now closed) -- are few and far between. Those few events are very healing and necessary, however.

The question of "Who I Might Be?" is one I now confront on a regular basis, both because of my inability to work on my art as much as I used to and because of the economy and the tenor of discussions around my day job -- I've been working as a teacher for nearly fifteen years.
In that time, discussions of the end of teacher tenure have become more vociferous and, oddly, commonplace. Even individuals who still might believe that Saddam had WMD, are up-to-date on the "evils" of teacher tenure, the "unfairness" of teacher schedules, and the general failure of teachers currently in schools to be effective. Sadly, none of these convictions are supported by statistics, but by a widespread rage against the classroom. Thus, not only are teachers vilified at work, but they are prohibited by this same sentiment from becoming agents of change within the system in which they work. In NY, the trend is now to bring individuals from business into the position of Chancellor of Schools.

Of course, I understand the feelings of workers from other professions: why should I have job assurances they don't have? No one, however, ever thinks through the realities that treating schools like businesses bring with them: for example, if you keep removing teachers' abilities to be secure in their positions and grow within them, you find yourself with schools that are continually changing staff.

For me this has meant that my "day job" provides me with, among other things:
1) no incentives or financial support for taking classes to develop my skills as a teacher
2) a fear of taking risks -- I do "what works" to gain high scores on state exams, and I don't stray from the program.
3) a student body which is driven to study for exams and NOTHING ELSE.
4) EXHAUSTION and DEPRESSION. Most teachers I know spend their summers recovering from the school year. Not a few spend most of their time in bed. I am among them -- and, oddly, I wasn't five years ago even when I carried responsibilities outside the classroom.

Despite the fact that I have maintained a good record of effectiveness, if I am to follow my friend Anthony's advice, I cannot make teaching the "one thing" I do. The following is a list of professions I have considered:
1) Lawyer. Would love to do it, but the market is glutted. Besides, my chief interests are Criminal and Constitutional law: Can we say, "Legal Aid Slave".
2) Veterinarian. Means: Two years of pre-med courses and seven years or so of Med School/training, etc. I'd do it if it could be done part-time. I have to work full-time to support myself and the twin cats. Unlikely prospect, even if a school would accept a 40 year old applicant -- that's how old I'll be when the pre-med work is done.
3) Accountant: I'm above average at Math. Again, needs to be done part-time. Possible.
4) Nurse: What all of my female students say they want to do because you can make 50,000 or more to start and it is only two years and change of training. Probably what I will do, as well, for the same mercenary reasons. Just accept that it is a given that I do want to help people, which I have been sort of doing as a teacher, I think. I say, "sort of" because I think I barely do enough and that our schools are hideously insufficient. And, of course, after 15 years of teaching, I have achieved STATUS CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE AT-RISK POPULATION I SERVE. And you wonder why my students don't want to become teachers?
5) Veterinary Technician. I'd do it in a heartbeat, but it is very low paying. Unless I got a job at the teaching hospital where my cats are patients, I won't be able to afford their care, should I take on this job. Bitterly ironic.
6) Psychologist. Do it in a heartbeat. About five years of part-time study, should I be admitted to a program and the loans will be enormous. If I can build up my Spanish, NY has an incentive program which will pay for my training. Possible.
7) Social Worker. Same incentive program pays for bilingual social workers and it will take less time than psychology. More likely.
8) Principal. No can do. You have to get a special license to do it and then you have to have poltical savvy to maintain the position. Do I sound like I have political savvy? Sure, I have ideas about how to run a school, but no one cares about that. In fact, one of my colleagues, who founded our college program at the school and wrote our school's "constitution," was given an unsatisfactory rating because she was late and absent DUE TO ILLNESS. And our UNION says that she won't be able to fight it. While the quality of teaching you do is a matter of debate, even if you are stellar, you CAN'T be satisfactory if you are late or absent. EVEN if your classes don't start at the beginning of the day (meaning that you are late during a time in which no students are around) and YOU STAY late (meaning you are PRESENT when the students are around).
Oh...and what was my colleague doing which made her late? Work for the principal and assistant principal! Meanwhile, my COLLEAGUES IN BUSINESS are allowed to WORK AT HOME all the time. Heck, my friend manages a group in a major corporation in which one of her direct reports works from HIS HOME IN TEXAS while she is in NY. Again, my friend was IN when the students were there and stayed late to keep working with them. She was penalized because she needed to stay home to finish work she was assigned and her illness made it especially difficult for her to just lug herself in early to do this work --all of which was written work requiring no more than her computer to do! But, she wasn't on time...Indeed, even on days when she was VERY SICK she came in and was MARKED ABSENT because she was so late. She did the work anyway. You see, teachers are not credited for work they do outside the classroom and, as far as our principal and superintendent are concerned, teachers CANNOT work outside the classroom...So, I work at a job in which I must do work at home (grade papers, write exams) especially if I do work beyond my classroom (can you write a final, a grant proposal for equipment, college recommendations, and, perhaps, school constitution during your lunch periods, only?) and which DENIES the fact that I do this very work. In fact, should I stay an extra ten minutes at home while my document prints because the printer at work doesn't work, I will be DOCKED FOR LOST TIME....Oh yeah. Observant students want THIS JOB....Ask me why I want tenure in such a job -- it might be insane to want to be secure in such a job. But, if I am going to make daily sacrifices, I'd like to know, at least, that I can keep the job for which I am suffering.
and NOT wanting tenure is exactly what the current government would like...make teaching a profession people work so intensively in with little gratification that they BURN OUT and move on, so that they can keep hiring new and cheap teachers. This is not to say that some great teachers don't come from other professions -- they do. The problem is, hardly anyone, including ME, wants to stay....
9) Freelance Artist. I don't know how much longer I can do this, but I probably will always do some, but less and less. Incidentally, Arts Administrators make less than first year teachers and have no security at all, so again, though I have experience, at least, in the arts, it's not a practical choice.
10) Computer technician. One word: Outsourcing. This is too bad as I could get the training relatively cheaply on-line while I work.


So, my life could go many ways, even if it is ONE way, Anthony. If you're out there, feel free to drop me a line. All readers are invited as well.